Error message

Deprecated function: The each() function is deprecated. This message will be suppressed on further calls in _menu_load_objects() (line 579 of /home/dh_di5bup/
World's Largest Gummy Bear

World's Largest Gummy Bear

Gummy Bears- we’re not even sure why these delicious affronts to nature exist, but if you’re going to indulge- go for the bulge! The Coolest Stuff Ever presents for your consideration the World’s Largest Gummy Bear!

If you’re caught on a school bus with the principal from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, don’t be outdone by some bespectacled misanthrope and her tiny, chewy pocket-offering. Elbow that Hobbit and her nasty little pocketses out of the way, and be large and in charge with this FIVE POUND GUMMY BEAST!

That’s right- your favorite fruity Scooby Snack is now available in a mind-boggling, five-pound, jaw-dislocating beast of a bear- the equivalent of 1,400 of his smaller, inferior cousins. Kept properly sealed in a bag or container between gnawing sessions, your new best friend has a shelf-life of up to a year- making it the cool gift that keeps on giving.

Standing almost ten inches high, this delectable deal packs a walloping 6,120 calories, which is broken down conveniently in the nutritional information as fifty-one 120-calorie servings (one per week for the remainder of 2014!). Gluten-free and hand made in the US from domestic ingredients, these Behemoths of Beardom can be enjoyed in: Red Cherry, Orange, Green Apple, Blue Raspberry, and 3-Tone (Blue Raspberry, Orange, Red Cherry), Grape, Bubblegum, Pineapple, Cherry Cola, and Astro (Red Cherry, Lemon, Green Apple).

The many flavors of Gummy Bear!

While you may rightly fear the gastrointestinal implications of tackling this Holy Grail of Candies, we say- don’t limit yourself to eating it! Put one on a leash and drag it around the neighborhood to create a cool ant trail. Sneak one in to a maternity ward viewing window and watch the calls to Maury fly! Intimidate garden gnomes, switch up a boring nativity scene, or convince your neighbor to keep one on their dashboard for good luck (the hotter the climate, the quicker the result).

Awww idn't he cute!?

I’ve used mine as a doorstop, dartboard, punching bag, football, air travel pillow, confidante, knife-holder, and on one sordid and drunken occasion to get over an ex. While we can’t endorse such activities or uses, we can heartily recommend this product for lots of fun and laughs, a great surprise or gag gift, or a melt-your-face-off-with-awesomeness gift for the Gummy Bear connoisseur in your life.



Categories: Food & Drink, Geeky, Humor, WTF