USB Pet Rock
This pet rock is an updated version of its 1970s cousin. It requires no feeding or care, but can be plugged into your USB port if you so desire.
Don't worry, it doesn't draw power from your computer; it just makes the Pet Rock feel better. It becomes even more "rocky" when plugged into a USB port.
What does this Pet Rock it do you ask? Pssshhhh! Psshhhh, we say! And that's what you should tell anyone that asks you what your USB Pet Rock does.
It quite obviously have latent properties and abilities that have yet to activate. It emanates power and awesomeness. It's a USB Pet Rock!