Ahh… Deadpool. Is there anything he can’t do? Here are a bunch of the best Deadpool lines from over the years.
Add your favorites in the comments!
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Not enough to justify what’s about to happen to my pedicure. And I paid extra for the little Blackest Night symbols, too. My feets is a rainbow of power…
Duh! Paper or plastic? Hellooo? You have any idea what plastic bags do to the environment? I’m Al Gore’s message of death, bee-yotch!
No–wait– do you have any idea how many STD’s I could have?
Can you send me forward to the time when I was mowing my lawn and my next door neighbor, Mrs. Nowicki, asked if I could rub lotion on her back and I ran and locked myself in the Bathroom? I’d really like a do-over on that one, please.
UGH! That was awful…all my thoughts strung together so dreadfully dull and plodding…like some glacially moving freight train of suck! My God…that must be what it’s like…to be a total loser like you!
I’ve been besmirched! This besmirchment will not stand!
Yeah. That is a gun in my pants. But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy to see you…
Oh, no! He’s beating our meat!
You’re looking at the chihuahua, right? Sometimes I go too far, I’m the first to admit it.
Bring me more Pop Rocks and Dr. Pepper. Prepare to bathe my monkeys.
You have any idea how hard it is to find a joint that’ll serve a guy in a mask and bandolier? They won’t even let me into Taco Bell!
You should talk. Your costume’s so tight you can tell what religion you are. Ever hear of a cup?
That a giant fiberglass weenie or are you just happy to see me?
Dude, I had to hack that off to save you from zombie germs. You should totally put me on your Christmas card list.
Come ta think of it — I’ve seen tougher KEN dolls than you! An’ I mean take yer pick here — mod-hair Ken — disco Ken — summer fun Ken — I let Barbie whip me ‘cos I’m a wuss Ken — Any o’ you guys lissenin’ t’me?
“Did some say, “Chimichanga”? Never mind. That was just the sound of my skull and brains healing.”
I can say Chimichanga in seven languajes.
Zippty do dah, zippty-ay, I’m gonna blow all you dirtbags away. Plenty of bullets I’m gonna spray, Zippty do dah, zippty-ay
You look familiar, did I spin you like a beanie propeller and leave you in a motel room in Dubuque?
So I look up, and who is standing over me but Captain America? So he throws his shield at me and I duck and it hits a tank of a viral diarrehic agent. Brother, let me tell you, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen Captain America leave the scene of a fight because he’s gotta — and I do mean GOTTA — empty his bowels.
my haiku, I hate broccoli, it is disgusting, why can’t it be meat?
Sorry, I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I’m hilarious, so don’t hate.
Who dares summon the master of glib, the deliverer of one-liners and the shogun of sarcasm?
Look, Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow! It’s going to be an early winter!
Are you talking to yourself or do you see little yellow boxes too?
He inventer rubber? Well I owe grandpa one, thats for sure.
S’matter Buddy? You look a little – what’s the word I’m looking for here – Stupid.
I love a sturdy woman like me beloved Bea…
Phone: The mercenary?
Deadpool: I prefer “Well-Compensated Establishment Provocateur.”
Phone: Ah, yes. Have you ever heard of the One World Church?
Deadpool: Nope
Phone: It’s in France.
Deadpool: I’ll pass.
Phone: It pays a lot.
Deadpool: Good sir, you can’t pay me enough to go to France while our countries are at war!
Phone: Uhm, we’re not at war.
Deadpool: We’re not?
Phone: No.
Deadpool: Oh….
Deadpool: So… How much money?
Deadpool: …
Deadpool: Well, that sure is a lot…
Deadpool: You smug little….wait speaking of video games, you ever play Street Fighter?
Kitty: As if…
*Deadpool gives her a dragon punch*
Deadpool: SHORYUKEN!
“Hey! Naked Avengers painted on the side of the pool. This guy’s a loser, but he’s my kind of loser. Where’s Sue RIchards!?!?”
“Oh, c’mon—was that REALLY THOR? Very impressive mjolnir.”
later on…
“The guy that did your pool…can he paints any X-men?”
(wolverine unsheathes his claws)
Deadpool- yay yay fighty time fighty time blood blood blood (in a sing song voice)
He is walking through the insane asylum, wearing his holographically projected mask, pretending to be a psychiatrist. A patient stops him and says “Dr, I feel much better, not having any hallucinations anymore. do you think I’m cured?”
And Deadpool, of course, switches off the holographic projector so his real face becomes visible, leans over to the patient. and says: “BOOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA!” And then walks away leaving the patient a wrecked shell of a man.
Baby Cable thinking DP is his dad: “Dedpoo?”
DP: “Yeah, kid. Deadpoo”
Cable: “Dada”
DP: “Who can keep track? I’m like an NBA player that way…” “Hey…anyone else here smell poop or is my axe effect failing me?”
“I am not going back to any more alternate worlds!”
“I mean, Days of Future Past was a classic and all, but it’s really all been done to death now…” –Deadpool, as Forge, Siryn, Cable, and Sam sitting in the next panel with astonished looks on their faces.
Deadpool: Cannonballs!
Cannonball: it’s Cannon– never mind
“Be a man George or Dick who served there country when the call came! His name is Dick, That’s funny.”
“Jugg-head-naut? Who’s that, someone who works for the Archies?”
“I mean, I’ve seen GI Joes tougher than you. Before they shrunk the poor guy down. I’m talking original, life like hair, kung fu grip Joe. Come to think of it, I’ve seen Ken dolls tougher than you… I let Barbie whup me coz I’m a wuss Ken…”
Mr Immortal – “Youre not even a mutant”
DP- “Yes I am”
Mr Immortal “and you’re not an X-man”
DP ” Oh and you have the card set or something”
Mr Immortal- ” UHH no”
Dp ” Do you have the cardset”
Mr Immortal ” Not on me , I just have it for flipping”
DP ” I’d like to flip shadowcat”. “She’s a ripe…
Doorman “Shut your pie hole”
Sabertooth “Scream for me”
DP ” Okay how about this ,OMG FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT KILL ME PLEASSSE”
Sabertooth ” Quiet”
DP “I can say it with a girly tone if you want”
(Flirting with Black Widow in a bad French accent)
Ah, how I have missed you, mon petit chapeau. Let us run away and live a carefree life somewhere exotic… like Pittsburg.
(Upon levelling up)
Now I’M better at whatever it is Wolverine does!
(Talking to Jarvis)
Hello, good citizen! I’m CAPTAIN AMERICA! You don’t have to salute if you don’t want to.
(Jarvis doesn’t believe him)
All righty then, I’m THOR! You might want to kneel in my presence… I am the God of Thunder, you know!
(Talking with his buddy Weasel)
Weasel: You stabbed me in the leg!
Deadpool: I had to! You were trying to eat the last cheesy puff!
Weasel: It was MY bag of cheesy puffs!
Deadpool: “I need help! And a pony!”
“Just repeat after me – There is a man in a room, with a typewriter…”
“Ah, those yellow boxes are back! What fun we shall have together!”
Bullseye: “Deadpool, Deadpool, Deadpool… How long has it been?”
Deadpool: “Issue sixteen, Greece… What’s up, Bullseye?”
DIE YOU &*^%&*& CLOWNS! You deserve nothing less than a blood-spurting, hanky-hiding-up-your-sleeve-big-footed ass-kicking. How DARE you bring joy and laughter to the smiling faces of children everywhere. Purveyors of hope and all that is pure in the world, DIE DIE DIE!!
Yes I have a gun in my pants, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy to see you!
And- Yes sir. You look nice today. It’s the green, it brings out the seriousness in your eyes.
Wolverine- Oh God, do you ever shut up pal?
Deadpool- No… Not when I’m awake
And (to Victor Creed)- Sure, swords probably aren’t as intimidating as guns or bone claws or having the fingernails of a bag lady.
(Victor extends claws, Wade brings out sword) Deadpool- Manicure? 😛
